MAYBE PARENTING ANGER COMES FROM FEAR?

Anger and aggression in parenting can occur for parents who care very much about their children and about being a good parent. I believe that for some of us, high importance placed on parenting goals can make us more susceptible to anger (stemming from fear of goals not happening) compared with a parent who is less invested (all other things being equal).

This article reviews a study that shows greater confidence (and therefore less fear) in parenting results in more skillful parenting and less problem parenting behaviors, including anger and yelling. This was true for persons who had survived abuse and trauma, and who were therefore vulnerable to emotional reactivity and anger.

For parents who are less confident now, and maybe struggling with challenging behaviors in their children, I recommend acknowledging your parenting fears and being ready to mindfully notice and understand the thoughts and feelings that come up for you when faced with highly challenging child behavior…